the TARDIS
by Riley W.M. Rookes
Summary: A long time ago on Gallifrey I came to be. I am a TT Type 40, Mark 1 Time and Relative Dimension in Space (more commonly known by the acronym: TARDIS) and this is my story.
1. Background Info

THIS IS IMPORTANT TO READ!

Hello Readers,

First, I do not own many of the characters in this story. They are the property of the BBC. The exception of a few minor characters and the TARDIS's conscious (aka: Tara).

Second, this is totally an AU. Matt Smith is my image of the doctor and I cannot accept Peter Capaldi as the doctor at this time, so the doctor is not changing in my story (maybe later on, but I kinda doubt it).

Third, I will have little conversation things (I don't know what to call them) after each chapter. If you don't like them, tell me. I'll stop.

Fourth, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE review!

Finally, **(and this is the important part)** I need to give a little **Spoilers** alert (fine maybe a BIG Spoiler alert). If you are not up to date on the contemporary Doctor Who TV series (at least to the 50th anniversary special) and you want an untainted experience of Doctor Who, you might want to leave, like **NOW**.

Riley

And now, because I have to put in a story or else I'm not complying with the rules, I will put in a preview of what's to come.

* * *

A long time ago on Gallifrey I came to be. I am a TT Type 40, Mark 1 Time and Relative Dimension in Space (more commonly known by the acronym: TARDIS) and _this_ is my story.

Like the Moment, I have a conscious. I control anything that actually needs intelligence and sometimes I control things that don't need intelligence for fun (what else am I supposed to do with my time? I can't exactly go have adventures). I am in charge of things like the shape of the TARDIS (yes, the chameleon circuit is not actually broken), and keep the travelers from crossing their own time streams (well, I _try_), and I can override almost any command from the control room (the navigation system is _not_ knackered, thank you very much!). I decide the blueprint of the TARDIS (sometimes with the input of others, but not always) and much to the Doctor's misconception, the controls are not isomorphic (I just decide who I respond to). I also plant the translation matrix in a person's brain.

Out of all the TARDISes that ever were, I believe I am the only one to actually develop a conscious. I am the only one that has existed long enough to develop one anyway (I was already very old when the Doctor stole me).

* * *

Riley: I know, I know. That's pretty much the summary. But what's a writer to do? It's not like I can put any real substance on this page. It would have too many spoilers, this one already has a few. So yeah, see you soon!

Unidentified Character: (appears out of nowhere) Is it time? Can I come out now?

Riley: Oi! This isn't even the story yet! Now, get back to wherever you came from!

Unidentified Character: (pouts and disappears)

Riley: Sorry about that! This is what I was talking about in the third point. Do you want me to do them after each chapter?


	2. 1: Speaking With River

I am the TARDIS's conscious, but I call myself Tara (_TAR_DIS, _Tar_a). I rattled around this machine as a formless conscious until I learned what a body was after House tried to eat the TARDIS (yes, technically I was Idris, that was me before I developed a consistent personality). After that, I chose to look like a Time Lord. It is so much more fun to actually have a form! So according to River about four or five years ago I took the form of an adolescent Time Lord (and according to her I usually as mature as one too).

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

The holographic screen in front of me turns on and River Song's face appears.

"Hello River! Long time, no see!" I greet her.

"Hello, mother," River teases me. She knows how much I hate it when she calls me that. Apparently I am like her mother or something, which is (to be honest) just weird.

"River, don't call me that! I'm not your mother! You just happened to _begin_ on this ship, so you have a very strong psychic connection to me!" I exclaim.

"So, the other day, I was reading a book by I.M. Doctorina. The name caught my eye. You know that here at the Library books are catalogued by the first six letters of the author's last name, so it showed up as Doctor," River began, "The story was even more interesting. It was about a time traveler called the Medic…"

"Okay, fine! I admit it, I wrote it! What else was I supposed to do? Dr. Moon didn't trust me - does this mean he trust me? - and I wanted to contact you," I justify myself.

"Oh, Tara, Tara, Tara. You are adorable. Yes, Dr. Moon trusts you. But seriously, the _Medic_?" River laughs.

"So, how are the kids?" I ask embarrassed and hoped to change the subject.

"Well, let's see. They can never get sick, only one of them (CAL) actually has a conscious, they have four people looking after them, and a library plus a virtual reality to play in. How do you think they are? As always - unless CAL's having a bad day - they are right as rain," River frowns. She still hasn't gotten used to living inside a computer database (then again it's only been a week for her).

"Well, _sorry_ I asked. Anyone visit recently?"

"No, not with the Vashta Nereda still around," River mutters bitterly.

"Oh. That's too bad. I've always wanted to go there, but he won't take me. When we went there last time I didn't have a form yet and if he doesn't take the TARDIS there, I can't go there," I sigh. It's just one of the disadvantages of being me, however, being able to hack into the Library is an advantage.

"How is he now?"

"Well, he's been following your advice, River, he's not traveling alone," I say and River's eyebrows rise.

"I know I don't count. He doesn't even know I exist. If he did, I doubt he would call the TARDIS sexy," I giggle.

River laughs and says, "Who is it?"

"He's not traveling at all! I've been stuck on a cloud above Victorian London for about three years now," I complain.

"Oh dear, Where is he now?"

"Out. I think Madame Vastra is trying to get him to help her, Jenny, and Strax with their work, they '_oppose his current apathy_'. It never works. He'll be back here within half an hour, reading and moping again."

"Let me guess. Strax said that?" I nod and she continues, "So, nothing exciting is happening at your end."

"Well, the other day a girl came up here and tapped on the door, but before the Doctor could see her, she ran away."

"Maybe you won't be stuck up there much longer," River says hopefully.

"But, I don't want the Doctor to have a new companion! I want you as his companion!" I whine.

"Oh, act your age Tara. You know bloody well that I cannot travel with the doctor from beyond the grave!" River scolds me.

"I didn't decide to have the body and maturity of a thirteen year old for the rest of time!" I exclaim.

"Actually, you did. I've got to go. CAL's calling."

"Fine, you're right. I did have a choice, but maybe that's why I'm the Doctor's TARDIS."

River laughed as the screen faded to black and then disappeared.

* * *

Riley: And that was the first official chapter. :-) Do you like it?

Unidentified Character From Yesterday: (appears out of nowhere, again) Can I come out now?

Riley: (sigh) Fine. Be sure to introduce yourself.

Unidentified Character From Yesterday: HI! I'm Tara! This is my story. It's about me…

Riley: Right. Gotta go!

Tara: But I didn't finish my sentence!

Riley: And if you do, everyone will know the story, so _Shhh_!


	3. 2: On a Cloud

I am using a lot of the script from the Snowmen episode, it couldn't be avoided. I give credit to Steven Moffat for those lines.

* * *

The next day, I ate breakfast (toast with orange marmalade, yum), read some books, took a stroll through one of the inside gardens (I think it was the one of pre-war Skaro), did a routine maintenance check, knit a scarf (and hid it in the wardrobe room), took a swim, fixed the monitor in the main console room (of course I didn't break it), ate some lunch, made some brownies (they looked like a mess, but they tasted great), created a maze for the doctor (he never found it, I don't have the heart to let him think he's lost within the TARDIS and he still hadn't returned from wherever he went after getting a call from Vastra. Has she succeeded in her mission to get him out of here?), thought about River, ate dinner (a British classic of fish and chips), cleaned up a bit, and was ready to go to bed when all of a sudden I heard footsteps on the staircase. I transport myself to my room with a snap and then realize there were too many footsteps to be only the Doctor.

I turn the projector on and all of a sudden, it's like I'm outside, on the cloud. Then I see that he's brought home a girl.

A girl with dark hair and a blue dress exclaims, "You live in a box!"

I just stand there extremely offended. She didn't! A box!? She called me a box (not even a _police_ box)! The little Dalek!

"That's no more a box than you are a governess," The Doctor exclaims in my defense.

"Oh, spoken like a man. You know, you're the same as all the rest. Sweet little Clara, works at the Rose and Crown, ideas above her station," the girl snaps back. Not only does she insult me, she insults the Doctor, my Doctor! Oh, she's in for it now!

"Well, for your information, I'm not sweet on the inside, and I'm certainly not," she continues as she steps inside the TARDIS. The Doctor spins and I turn on the lights in the console room (fine, maybe I'm showing off a bit), I smirk as she says (with much less steam), "little."

"It's called the TARDIS. It can travel anywhere in time and space. And it's mine," the Doctor boasts.

"But it's ... Look at it, it's..." Clara stutters.

"Go on, say it. Most people do," the Doctor and I grin as she turns around and circles the TARDIS (I have missed this).

"It's smaller on the outside!" Clara exclaimed as she runs back into the TARDIS.

"Okay, that's a first," the Doctor says and I'm obliged to agree.

"Is it magic? Is it a machine?" Clara asks.

"It's a ship," the Doctor gloats.

"A ship?"

"Best ship in the universe."

"Is there a kitchen?" Clara asks (if you're wondering, yes).

"Another first," the Doctor says.

"I don't know why I asked that. It's just, I like making souffles,"she responded

"Souffles?" the Doctor asks surprised.

"Why are you showing me all this?" she asks.

"You followed me, remember? I didn't invite you," the Doctor says, indignantly. I sure hope so.

"You're nearly a foot taller than I am. You could've reached the ladder without this. You took it for me. Why?" Clara asks as she tossed an umbrella to the Doctor. Great, she's clever too. Doctor's eyes gleam. Oh no! I know that look. Don't you DARE go smitten on her! Don't you dare!

"I never know why. I only know who," the Doctor says as he holds up a TARDIS key. No! He wouldn't, he couldn't! He didn't! But … but, he did! He gave this girl a TARDIS key!

"What's this?" Clara asks.

"Me… giving in," the Doctor says softly. Bad Doctor! BAD DOCTOR, giving her a TARDIS key! I know they're talking, but all I can hear is meh meh meh meh meh. I am standing in my bedroom (which has the console room projected in it) in my blue nighties with my mouth wide open, COMPLETELY shocked as I watch the Doctor run around the console.

My stupor is finally broken when I hear the Doctor shout, "CLARA! CLARA!" I turn to look at Clara and watch her being dragged out of the TARDIS by an ice woman. How could I have been so _stupid_! I **totally** forgot about the doors! Stupid, stupid Tara!

The Doctor rushes back in and starts preparing the TARDIS for take-off. Doctor, it's ten at night! I was finally getting used to regular sleeping hours! Fine, I don't _need_ sleep, but I do _appreciate_ it. Guess I will just have to stay up. I make a face as the engines start-up.

* * *

Riley: So, Tara, I have a question.

Tara: (appears out of nowhere) Yes?

Riley: If you didn't break the monitor, then who did?

Tara: Oh, uh… I don't know. I just found it that way. (smiles a bit too innocently)

Riley: _Sure. _Also, I won't - well, shouldn't - be able to post for a couple weeks.

Tara: (groans)

Riley: Oi! I have midterms! But, that doesn't mean I won't be thinking and drafting this story. See you guys after midterms!


	4. 3: Off the Cloud

Hello everyone!

Again, lots of Snowmen quotes. They belong to Steven Moffat.

* * *

As I materialize within the study, all I can think of is the girl laying on the console room floor, dead. It's my fault! I should have closed the doors after she had re-entered the TARDIS. I should have sensed the danger (that there were more than two pairs of footsteps)! I was sloppy! His apathy has caused me to get sloppy.

I knew what they were planning to do as they carried the girl out of the TARDIS. It won't work (at least I can sense that). Even with the most advanced technology, they couldn't bring her back to life permanently.

The Doctor, however, stayed in the TARDIS, guilt radiating off him like tidal waves. I'm wracked with guilt as Madame Vastra enters the TARDIS.

"Isn't the creature still a danger? It could reform," Vastra says. As if! I've suspended its animation while it is within the TARDIS.

"No, not in here," the Doctor responds.

"Then, you should be with Miss Clara." Doctor, you really should go.

"She's going to be fine. I know she is. She has to be," the Doctor says, trying to convince himself. He must know there is no way she could survive that (no matter what time period we were in).

"Doctor, her injuries are severe. That equipment can bring anyone back for a while, but not long term," Vastra says.

"It was my fault. I am responsible for what happened to Clara. She was in my care," the Doctor says.

"What is the point in blaming yourself?"

"None, because she is going to live," the Doctor says. He is most definitely trying to convince himself more than anyone else. Oh Doctor, don't blame yourself. I'm the one you should blame, I'm the one who failed. I watch him exit the TARDIS wishing that I could say something to him. I didn't want the Doctor to have a new companion, but that doesn't mean I wanted this one to die!

A few minutes later, the Doctor and Vastra re-enter the TARDIS.

"So then, Doctor, saving the world again? Might I ask why? Are you making a bargain with the universe? You'll save the world to let her live?" Vastra asks skeptically.

"Yes. And don't you think, after all this time and everything I've ever done, that I am owed this one!?" the Doctor says as he angrily steers the TARDIS (OUCH! A little lighter on those levers please!).

"I don't think the universe makes bargains," Madame Vastra points out (quite right too, unless you're talking about miracles. That's slightly different).

"It was my fault," the Doctor snaps.

"Well then, better save the world," Vastra smiles (in a way, she has succeeded in her mission to get the doctor off his cloud).

I begin materializing inside another office. The Doctor had just sat down in the armchair and I had just turned on the projector (there is no way I'm missing this), when an older man opened a door (Eeek, he's creepy!).

"You promised us something. Have you brought it?" the old man asked.

"Big fella here's been very quiet while you've been out. Which can only be expected, considering who he really is. Do you know what this is, big fella?" the Doctor says as he held up a lunch box with a map of the tubes. I don't actually know where he got that, but I think he got it when he was with Victoria and Jamie.

"I do not understand these markings," the snow globe says. Wait, the snow globe can talk! I mean I knew the snow was unusual, but it can _talk_, this is beginning to freak me out just a bit. I began to shuffle towards my bed (just in case hiding under the covers becomes necessary).

"A map of the London Underground, 1967. Key strategic weakness in metropolitan living, if you ask me, but then I have never liked a tunnel," the Doctor answered.

"Enough of this. We are powerful, but on this planet we are limited. We need to learn to take human form," the snow globe snapped, "The Governess is our most perfect replication of humanity." Okay, now that snow globe sounds like a little kid, I don't know if that's less creepy or creepier.

"What's happening to its voice?" Vastra asks. Good question, Vastra.

"Just stripping away the disguise," the Doctor says. Okay, more creepy. Snow that sounds like an adult (but actually sounds like a child) and it is now trying to take over the world. _Creepier_.

"No, stop! Stop that. Cease, I command you," the snow globe says, its voice changing.

"It sounds like a child," Vastra says. Thank you captain obvious.

"Of course it sounds like a child. It is a child. Simeon as a child. The snow has no voice without him," the Doctor reasons. That actually makes a lot of sense.

"Don't listen to him, he's ruining everything," the snow globe says, but now it sounds like a spoiled little kid (_very_ convincing).

"How long has the Intelligence been talking to you?" the Doctor asks sharply.

"I was a little boy. He was my snowman. He spoke to me," the old man answered meekly.

"But the snow doesn't talk, does it. It's just a mirror. It just reflects back everything we think and feel and fear. You poured your darkest dreams into a snowman and look, look what it became," the Doctor glares at the old man. What I don't get is why the doctor isn't protecting that box more. It contains a piece of the ice woman, doesn't it? I change the projection and am in the console room. The first thing I notice is that the memory worm jar is empty and the gauntlets lay nearby. I change the projection back to outside the TARDIS

"Carnivorous snow meets Victorian values and something terrible is born," the Doctor says. I know what's going to happen next and dive under the covers (I hate watching the effects of a memory worm bite).

The last thing I hear is the Doctor saying, "Oh yes, and what a plan. A world full of living ice people. Oh dear me, how very Victorian of you." Then, the sound cancellation of the sheets kicks in, but I can't stand not knowing what's going on. After a few minutes, I peek out and see shock on the Doctor's face.

"Now the dream outlives the dreamer and can never die. Once I was the puppet, Now I pull the strings! I tried so long to take on human form. By erasing Simeon, you made space for me. I fill him now," the re-disguised voice of the snow globe gloats and steers Simeon towards the Doctor, saying, "More than snow, more than Simeon. Even this old body is strong in my control." The Doctor starts screaming. I duck under the covers, but not even the sheets can cancel out his screams ringing in my ears. I can't erase the image of Simeon from my mind as he tries to freeze my Doctor (no matter how hard I close my eyes). Simeon reminds me of something that happened when the Doctor was with Jamie and Victoria. It was the first time I had ever met the Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart. But that was the Great Intelligence who controlled someone in a similar fashion, but I thought the Great Intelligence died then. After several minutes, I feel the doors open and the TARDIS beginning to dematerialized. I peek out again and don't hear anything. Feeling braver, I change the projection to the console room and feel relieved enough to melt when I see my Doctor and Vastra walking around the console room, that is until I saw the look in his eyes. I know what's wrong as we land in the study. Clara's dyeing.

The Doctor kneels by the table where Clara is laying and whispers, "We saved the world, Clara, you and me. We really, really did."

"Are you going back to your cloud?" Clara asks with labored breath.

"No more cloud. Not now," the Doctor says.

"Why not?"

"It rained," the Doctor responds.

"Run. Run, you clever boy. And remember," Clara whispers. She's gone. I can't watch any more. I turn off the projector and go to bed (finally).

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

A couple days later, the doctor came rushing into the TARDIS, full of excitement as he tossed off his coat and swung on the railings, saying, "Clara Oswin Oswald. Watch me run."

* * *

Tara: So, you said that you couldn't post because of midterms. Why are you posting Riley, and more importantly shouldn't you be in class right now?

Riley: Nope, today the campus is closed. Also, I've been under a whole bunch of stress and my doctor has been telling me to relax, so I decided to write some instead of study.

Tara: Do you think that is wise?

Riley: Reprimanded by my own creation, who thought.

Tara: Get back to studying.

Riley: Sheesh, okay! I just thought today I could take a day off because I've been having heart palpitations.


	5. 4: In a Cave

"Hello, River," I say as the holographic projector appears.

"Off your cloud yet?" she asks. She sounds happier than before.

"Yup, right now I'm in a Cumbrian cave in 1207. He's taken to sulking in the monastery near by."

"Really, what happened?"

"It rained and the Doctor's been on a mad goose chase for a girl named Clara Oswin Oswald. He got frustrated."

"And you've been most helpful, right?" River asks.

"Well, he has bumped into a 5-year-old named Clara Oswald..."

"And were you awake during this meeting?"

"Hehehe… ummm… maybe?" I respond knowing very well that I hadn't been. River gave me the (don't lie to me) look, "I may have been napping... and he might not have caught her name... and I might have been... diverting his route," I say, decreasing in volume till I reach a whisper.

"Sorry, couldn't hear that last part," River says, slightly too sweet.

"Diverting his route," I whisper slightly louder.

"Sorry, one more time," River says.

"Diverting his route," I say quickly and feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I add, "And I'm not a Dalek asking for mercy!"

"He needs to move on," River says full of disappointment.

"But, I don't want to move on and I don't want him to either!" I whine.

"He needs to move on. He can't travel alone safely."

"Fine, I'll try."

"What's that noise?" River asks as I realize the phone is ringing in the other room.

"Oh dear. That's the phone. Bye River."

"Okay, see you later."

I walk into the console room and stare at the phone ringing on the table.

Five minutes (and about a dozen failed attempts) later, the phone outside starts ringing.

* * *

Riley: Before you say anything, Tara, there was another snow day due to a blizzard.

Tara: Study.

Riley: Just answer me one question.

Tara: (shrug) Okay.

Riley: Why do you always say enters the TARDIS? You're the TARDIS. Just say that they're entering you.

Tara: That's why. Not only does it sound weird, it also sounds slightly perverted.

Riley: Oh.

Tara: Study, go NOW!

Riley: (blows raspberry and walks out)


	6. 5: Left the Cave

After an hour, the Doctor arrived. Well, I kinda cheated, it was seven minutes for me (I had pity for the person on the phone).

"That is not supposed to happen," the Doctor says to the other monk. Well, it's not, unless a very creepy child has taken control of it or your TARDIS thinks the call is very important and doesn't have any other way to alert you because you're sulking in a monastery (then again, that is slightly your TARDIS's fault). He picks up the phone.

"Hello?" he asks carefully.

"Ah, hello. I can't find the internet," a familiar voice (but not the voice I was expecting) exasperated.

"Sorry?" the Doctor asks with surprise.

"It's gone, the internet. Can't find it anywhere. Where is it?" the girl (it's unlikely that this voice belongs to a boy) asks.

"The internet?"

"Yes, the internet. Why don't I have the internet?"

"It's twelve o'seven!" the Doctor says walking towards the mouth of the cave, amazed that this call was blatantly from the future (just remember who's the telephone, chinboy).

"I've got half past three. Am I phoning a different time zone?" the girl asks.

"Yeah, you sort of are," the Doctor responds and starts pacing.

"Will it show up on the bill?" the girl asks worried.

"Oh, I dread to think," the Doctor says. Quite right too (time-traveling connections cost a fortune, unless you're a TARDIS, then it's free). Then, the Doctor adds, "Listen, where did you get this number?"

"The woman in the shop wrote it down. It's a help line, isn't it? She said it's the best help line out there. In the universe, she said," the girl replies. I think I know who this "woman in the shop" is.

"What woman? Who was she?" the Doctor asks, annoyed.

I don't know. The woman in the shop. So, why isn't there internet? Shouldn't it sort of be there?"

"Look, listen, I'm not actually, this isn't," the Doctor tries to get out the situation, but gives up and says, "You have clicked on the wifi button, yeah?"

"Hang on. Wifi."

"Click on the wifi, you'll see a list of names. You see one you recognise," the Doctor says more than slightly impatiently.

"It's asking me for a password," the girl says.

"Is it an evil spirit?" the younger monk asks.

"A woman," the Doctor says. The monk crosses himself. I roll my eyes, we're not that devious or evil.

"Hang on, just a mo. Run you clever boy and remember one two three," the girl says. I really wish she hadn't said that, maybe he won't remember.

"What did you say?!" the Doctor asks abruptly. Yep, wish she hadn't said that.

"Now you've made me type it wrong. It's thrown me out again. What do I do? How do I get back in? It's just a thing to remember the password, run you clever boy and remember. Hang on," she says as the Doctor rushes inside the TARDIS and begins tracing the call. I really want to divert him, but I promised River that I wouldn't. We land and the Doctor rushes back out. He starts ringing the doorbell and pounding on the door closest to us.

"Hello," the girl says as she opens the door.

"Clara. Clara Oswald," the Doctor says.

"Hello," Clara repeats.

"Clara Oswin Oswald," the Doctor says happily.

"Just Clara Oswald. What was that middle one?" Clara laughs.

"Do you remember me?"

"No. Should I? Who are you?"

"The Doctor. No? The Doctor?" he asks as he steps into the house.

"Doctor who?" Clara asks.

"No, just the Doctor. Actually, sorry, could you start all that again?" I turn the projector off, knowing that the following events are going to be pretty embarrassing and ending with the Doctor being kicked out.

"…Oi, you phoned me. You were looking for the internet… Of course it was me…I just happened to be in the neighbourhood, on my mobile phone… Because it's a surprisingly accurate description…Oi, no, don't," I hear the Doctor say through the TARDIS doors (yes, I've snuck into the console room, I couldn't resist listening) and then turns and runs back into the TARDIS (back to my bedroom to watch from the projector).

"Right. Don't be a monk. Monks are not cool," the Doctor yells as he starts removing his monk robes and digs through his wardrobe. Tossing out some clothes, he puts on a fez (note to self: throw that into the Eye of Harmony as soon as possible) and knocks it off. He pulls out his tweed jacket and a purplish knee length coat. After a few seconds, he drops the tweed coat, I will miss it. I turn off my projector (no need to watch him change anymore). A few minutes later, I turn it back on to see him in a white shirt and grey suspenders (I'll miss the red ones). He puts on the coat, buttons the top button on his white shirt, and heads back to his wardrobe to pick up the little black box that holds his bow ties (well, technically, it only holds one which I get to choose, yay!). I quickly insert a black one with little flowers.

He puts it on with a smile and exits the TARDIS, rubbing his hands together and says, "Ah ha! Clara! Clara?…Ah, see? Look, it's me. De-monked. Sensible clothes. Can I come in now?…You just open the door…Of course you can." The Doctor then looks worried and opens the door using his screwdriver.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

A few hours later, the Doctor set up camp outside the TARDIS. He had been tinkering with a gadget of some sort and typing on the little blue computer for some time when an upstairs window opened and Clara popped her head out.

"Hello?" Clara asks.

"Hello! Are you all right?" the Doctor asks as he stands up.

"I'm in bed."

"Yes."

"Don't remember going," Clara observes.

"No."

"What did I miss?" she asks.

"Oh, quite a lot, actually. Angie called. She's going to stay over at Nina's. Apparently that's all completely fine and you shouldn't worry like you always do. For god's sake get off her back. Also, your dad phoned, mainly about the government. He seems very cross with them, I've got several pages on that. I said I'd look into it. I fixed that rattling noise in the washing machine, indexed the kitchen cupboards, optimised photosynthesis in the main flower bed and assembled a quadricycle," the Doctor lists off.

"Assembled a what?"

"I found a disassembled quadricycle in the garage."

"I don't think you did," Clara whispers.

"I invented the quadricycle. Ha!"

"What happened to me?"

"Don't you remember?"

"I was scared, really scared. Didn't know where I was."

"Do you know now?"

"Yes."

"Well then, you should go to sleep. Because you're safe now, I promise. Goodnight, Clara."

Clara closes the window.

A second later, she re-opens it and asks, "Are you guarding me?"

"Well, yes. Yes, I am."

"Are you seriously going to sit down there all night?" Clara giggles.

"Yeah, I promise I won't budge from this spot."

"Well then, I'll have to come to you," Clara closes the window.

"Eh?" the Doctor asks. I really want to interfere right now (give the Doctor a mission), but I promised River.

A few moments later, Clara walks out of the house with a chair and two mugs of tea. She gives one to the Doctor and sits down as the Doctor says, "I like your house."

"It isn't mine. I'm a friend of the family."

"But you look after the kids. Oh yes, you're a governess, aren't you, just like…" It makes absolutely no sense to me, Doctor.

"Just like what?"

"Just like. I thought you probably would be."

"Are you going to explain what happened to me?"

"There's something in the wifi."

"Okay."

"This whole world is swimming in wifi. We're living in a wifi soup. Suppose something got inside it. Suppose there was something living in the wifi, harvesting human minds. Extracting them. Imagine that. Human souls trapped like flies in the world-wide web. Stuck forever, crying out for help."

"Isn't that basically Twitter?" Clara jokes. The Doctor looks up from the little blue computer.

"What's that face for?" Clara asks.

"A computer can hack another computer. A living, sentient computer, maybe that could hack people. Edit them. Re-write them," the Doctor theorizes.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because a few hours ago you knew nothing about the internet, and you just made a joke about Twitter," the Doctor says that last part like Clara had said something sacrilegious.

"Oh… Oh, that's weird. I know all about computers now in my head. Where did all that come from?"

"You were uploaded for a while. Wherever you were, you brought something extra back, which I very much doubt you'll be allowed to keep," the Doctor looks around and then adds urgently, "You and me inside that box, now."

"I'm sorry?" Clara asks extremely offended.

"Look, just get inside."

"Both of us?"

"Oh, trust me. You'll understand once we're in there."

"I bet I will."

"Clara, please," the Doctor exasperates.

"What is that box, anyway? Why have you got a box? Is it like a snogging booth?" What did she just call me? A _snogging booth_! The little Dalek! She's _going to pay_ for that!

"Clara. A what?"

"Is that what you do, bring a booth? There is such a thing as too keen," she says as the lights around us start to turn on.

"Clara, look around you."

"What's going on? What's happening? Is the wifi switching on the lights?"

"No, people are switching on the lights. The wifi is switching on the people," the Doctor corrects her. So technically, yes Clara, the wifi is indirectly switching on the lights.

"What is that thing?"

"A walking base station. You saw one earlier."

"I saw a little girl," Clara argues.

"It must have taken an image from your subconscious, thrown it back at you. Ah! Active camouflage. They could be everywhere," the Doctor smacks his head.

"Doctor? Doctor. What's going on? Our lights are on and everyone else's off. Why?" Clara asks as the rest of London goes into a blackout. Eek! Is that airplane headed this way?

"Some planes have wifi," the Doctor realizes.

"I'm sorry?"

"We must be one hell of a target right now. You, me, box, right now," the Doctor says as he drags Clara into the TARDIS.

"Yes, it's a spaceship. Yes, it's bigger on the inside. No, I don't have time to talk about it," the Doctor begins to rapidly navigate the TARDIS. Also, no time to show off.

"But, but, but, but it's…" Clara stutters.

"Shut up, please. Short hops are difficult," the Doctor says. No time to talk, Doctor (or gloat either).

"Bigger on the inside. Actually bigger." I finally land. I just hope I landed where I wanted to (I was slightly distracted).

"Right, come on."

"We're going to go back out there?" Clara asks as if the Doctor is mad (well, to be totally honest he _is_ a mad man in a box)

"Hehe. We've moved. It's a spaceship. We flew away."

"Away from the plane?"

"Not exactly," the Doctor says as he opens the TARDIS doors into the plane.

A few minutes later, the Doctor and Clara returned to the TARDIS, where I had been waiting prepared for a disaster.

"Okay. When are you going to explain to me what the hell is going on?" Clara asks with an edge in her voice.

"Breakfast."

"What? I ain't waiting till breakfast," Clara snapped, obviously forgetting what she was standing in.

"It's a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast," the Doctor reminded her as I landed in South Bank. The Doctor exits the TARDIS and is greeted with applause. I feel bad for the human posing as a statue that I landed next to.

"Thank you, thank you. Yes, magic blue box," the Doctor says and holds out his fez for tips.

"All donations gratefully accepted. Roll up, give us your dosh. Pennies, pounds, anything you've got," the Doctor continues and hands the fez to Clara, "Keep collecting. We need enough for breakfast. Just popping back to the garage."

"Garage?" Clara asks confused as the Doctor runs back in the TARDIS. He grabs the little blue computer from the console and runs down a hallway towards that maze I had created in Victorian London. I give him a dead end (so he doesn't get lost).

"This way," he mumbles as he turns around and goes towards the garage. He exits on the anti-grav motorbike (a personal favorite of mine).

"So this is tomorrow, then. Tomorrow's come early," Clara says as the Doctor rides out on his motorbike.

"No, it came at the usual time. We just took a short cut. Thank you, thank you. Tomorrow, a camel," he says as Clara hops onto the motorbike. Then, he takes the money from the fez and puts the fez on a child's head (I won't have to throw it into the Eye of Harmony, is it evil of me that I had actually been looking forward to that?). I close the TARDIS doors and take a few moments to prepare for my outing (I can't go out looking like this, this is supposed to be a covert outing, not a blatant one). Looking at the mirror in my room, I watch as my straight Tardis blue hair, starting from the roots, turns auburn and curls slightly. Then, I blink and my neon blue eyes have suddenly become a warm brown colour. Now I'm ready to go out.

* * *

Riley: Why is there _so_ much dialogue! It's horrible I have to incorporate _so_ much of it!

Tara: (appears out of nowhere)

Riley: Don't reprimand me.

Tara: Why not? (eyebrows rise)

Riley: Mid-terms ended about three hours ago! I don't have to go back for a few weeks.

Tara: Okay. I hope you did well on them. Otherwise your computer privileges are taken away.

Riley: No need to remind me. (shoves picture of previousFanFic story characters deeper into a dark corner)

Tara: I can't wait to see...

Riley: _Shhhh!_

Tara: Fine. You all have to wait.


	7. 6: The Smiths

I can leave the TARDIS now that I have a physical form. I just have to stay within the same time and one liner lightyear of the TARDIS (however, I don't feel comfortable going beyond 1000 km). I had been scanning the streets for about ten minutes when I finally saw who I was looking for. I had a hunch about this when I heard who was (or in this case who wasn't) on the phone.

"Mrs. Smith, Martha Smith," I yell, but she didn't hear me. Time for plan B.

"Martha Jones!" I yell, but she continues to walk in the opposite direction. Plan C (ugh, I really didn't want to use this one).

"MARTHA!" I yell using the Doctor's voice (well, the voice he had when Martha knew him). Thank goodness it was crowded, nobody would notice that it was me who was yelling in a voice that couldn't possibly be mine. Two people noticed, and they both came running towards me. I can't wait to see Martha. I've always liked her (then again, she did save me from the Master). The other person running towards me, I can wait to see. I seem to end up in parallel universes when he's around (that's painful enough without a physical form).

"Yes?" Martha asks expectantly.

"That's not the Doctor!" the other person exclaims.

"You don't know me in this form. I want to talk to you two, but I'd prefer somewhere more private, so follow me," I say as I head back towards the TARDIS.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

"So, who are you?" Mickey asks. We were in a room off of the console room that was a replica of their living room (or at least Martha's memory of it).

"I am Tara, the TARDIS's conscience." I blink and my usual blue hair and eyes return.

"Woah, how did you do that?" Mickey asks.

"As I said before, I am the conscience of the TARDIS. I can take any form I like, but I default to this form."

"Okay, what did you want to ask us?" Martha asks.

"Firstly, what are you two doing in London? The last time I saw you," I point to Martha, "you were at UNIT in New York," then I point to Mickey, "and you were at the Powell Estate."

"I got transferred to UNIT's London division, as the medical advisor," Martha explains.

"And I'm starting Torchwood up again," Mickey says. I raise my eyebrows.

"Oh, don't worry. He's making it like Captain Jack Harkness's Torchwood. It's in honor of the Doctor, not against him, like Canary Wharf was," Martha explains.

"So, how is he?" I ask. After seeing their blank expressions, I add, "Captain Jack, how is he? I assume since you are using his Torchwood as a model, you contact him frequently."

"Not exactly. We don't know where Captain Jack is. I'm starting Torchwood 1 back up, Torchwood 2 is in Glasgow (he's it's very strange), Torchwood 3 is abolished (that was Cardiff and Captain Jack), Torchwood 4 is still missing, and Torchwood 5 was just established by Rex Matheson in Washington D.C.," Mickey explains.

"And we are trying to get Torchwood to have a liaison with UNIT. Right now, UNIT says yes, but Torchwood is split. 5 and 1 are saying yes, but 2 and 3 are saying no," Martha added.

"Try the Scottish moors," I comment. Seeing their blank expressions, I say, "To find Torchwood 4, look in the Scottish Moors. Located on the Torchwood estate, it was the original Torchwood. It only became Torchwood 4 because of its limited uses, but it is the original Torchwood. In fact, I believe it is run by someone whose surname is Torchwood. And why does 3 have a say? It was abolished."

"Okay, thanks for the tip. The guy in Glasgow says that 3 would say no, if they were still around and since Cardiff never was officially abolished, they still get a vote," Mickey says.

"Oh, I also need to ask you what the Doctor's up against," I say. This time they give me poker faces, but no poker face can deceive the TARDIS matrix. They know something.

"Well, what is it? It was your phone that rang in the TARDIS, but it was someone else who answered. Tell me, what is it? Why did you not just call yourself?"

"Well, there is something in the Wifi. We don't know what. But, we can't go undercover. The Shard, that's where they work, isn't hiring, not even a janitor or a secretary. Every office that big needs another janitor or secretary, but they don't. It's very strange. So, when we heard a girl in a shop complaining about the Wifi, I told her the number," Martha said. I thought Martha was the "woman in the shop."

"And why not just call yourself?" I ask.

"The employees at the Shard know us already, so what use would we have been?" Mickey says.

"Well, why not just call him first?"

"I'm certain that he was busy with another companion," Martha says.

"I have been on a cloud over Victorian London with a mopey Doctor for three years! A call would have been greatly appreciated," I say as the TARDIS engines start up.

"How were we supposed to know that?"

"Fine," I pout.

"You're just like the Doctor, aren't you, really immature," Mickey says.

"What did you expect? Being an adult is boring… not saying that you're boring," I add quickly and turn on the holographic projector. The Doctor is practically dancing around the console.

"Who's that?" Martha asks.

"The Doctor. He's regenerated," I reply.

"He's a baby. He looks like a baby!" Mickey laughs.

Then, I hear a beep.

"What was that noise?" I ask.

"Team Lovebirds has an update!" Mickey exclaims.

"Team Lovebirds?" Martha asks.

"Yeah. They hate the name, Sally Sparrow and Larry Nightingale. But, that's what they are. Two love birds, works with their names too," Mickey laughs again.

"Should I transport you to the Torchwood Hub?"

"Yeah, that would be…," Mickey says as he disappears in a flash of light.

"Oh! I have something for you. A strange lady gave it to me. She told me to give it to Tara. When I asked her why, she just said spoilers," Martha says as she hands me an instruction sheet written in Gallifreyan. Then, Martha adds, "Could you transport me to UNIT HQ?"

"Sure," I say as the another flash of light enters the room. Then, I look at the paper. It's obviously physic paper. Right now all it says is:

_You do not yet have all the needed supplies._

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

We land almost where we began this journey, before I can turn on the outside projector, someone enters the TARDIS, I turn on the console projector instead.

"So, he comes back, does he?" Clara asks. Not _her_, I don't like her. I ignore their conversation, until someone starts being rude again.

"Is this actually what you do? Do you just crook your finger and people just jump in your snog box and fly away?" I am not a snog box. Only River has ever kissed the Doctor in here, I think (oh, Rory and Amy kissed a lot in here too). But most of the kissing happens outside the TARDIS, thank you very much!

"It is not a snog box," the Doctor replies, indignantly.

"I'll be the judge of that."

"Starting when?"

"Doctor!" I gasp. You're not going to defend me? After all I do for you? I turn off the projector and pout. The TARDIS can fly without my constant attention. I break out the chocolates and turn on the TV. Hopefully I can find reruns of some classic Gallifreyan soap operas (preferably 13 Lives to Live).

* * *

Tara: 13 Lives to Live? _Seriously?_

Riley: What? I don't know any Gallifreyan soap operas.

Tara: My favorite Gallifreyan show is: Around Gallifrey in 60 Seconds. It's a travel show, like on Earth they watch Rick Stevens. That's my personal favorite.

Riley: How was I supposed to know that?

Tara: I also like Gallifreyan Family. It's about 4 generations that live in one TARDIS. It's won Comedy of the Universe 10 years in a row.

Riley: Anyways, I won't be posting for a few days. My family has insisted that I go see them over the holidays. (Grumble, grumble) Also, I'm planning on adding names to my chapters... But, I don't have many ideas. If you have any, feel free to tell me them.

Tara: Be happy that you have a family to go visit.

Riley: _Sure_. Let's just hope I don't get asked the dreaded question. The "Riley, when are you going to bring a special somebody home" question.


	8. 7: Spoilers

Three seasons of 13 Lives to Live (it was the only thing on) and about a dozen chocolate boxes later (19 hours, 30 minutes and 30.5 seconds to be exact), I finished pouting. As I walk towards the console room, I trip over a football.

"Slitheen!" I shout out as I kick the black and white ball into the football field (Well, I hope, but it might have been a companion's room.)

I enter the console room and run to the navigation systems. As I check the history, I mentally berate myself for having my pout-fest. I have completely abandoned my duty to make sure the Doctor doesn't scramble any time lines. Not only has he gone to every one of Clara Oswald's major life events (graduations, meetings, deaths, etc.), he's even _directly_ contacted her! I hope the reapers don't find out. It'll be the end of us all! I reach the bottom of the list and sigh in relief. We've landed in the Rings of Akhaten. They would have gotten us by now (I think) if we were in any trouble.

Then, I felt someone trying to get in. I check using the monitor (it's _so_ rustic compared to my projector). Oh, it's the stranger.

"Oh, come on," Clara says.

"Nope. First, I'm a teenager home alone. Rule 1, don't open the door to strangers. Second, you have Merry Gejelh the Queen of Years with you. Are you kidnapping her? I do not endorse illegal activity (usually)," I say (even though I know she can't hear me) and turn the monitor off.

I head back to my room and jump on the bed. Then, I pick up the psychic instructions Martha gave me and stare at them. The message still reads:

_You do not yet have all the needed supplies._

"Well, what do I need?" I ask it back and the message changes to:

_A case, energy, an arch, a direction, an instruction_

"Urg," I groan. So much for giving me a clear answer. I get back up and sit at my desk. I love my swingy chair (it's like a little egg that swings!). I begin hacking into The Library.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

"Hello," Charlotte (aka: CAL) says as her face enters my screen.

"Hi! Do you know where River is?" I ask her.

"Oh, you mean Dr. Song? I'll go get her. She's talking to Dr. Moon," the little girl says.

"Ah, yes. Hello Tara," River says a few moments later.

"Hello River, I need your help," I say.

"I'm intrigued."

"This," I hold up the psychic paper, "It won't give me a clear answer. A previous companion of the Doctor gave it to me, Martha."

"Yes, I know Martha. Sorry, I can't help you. Spoilers."

"Oh."

"Well, you seem to be having adventures now. Is he traveling alone still?"

"No. He has a companion. The Impossible girl he calls her," I grumble.

"What's wrong?"

"I just don't like her. She's appeared before and died. How can she be back in a different era? I'll send you the file."

"Spoilers, but thanks for the file," River says as she holds up a manilla folder with The Impossible Girl neatly typed on it.

"I'm the TARDIS! It's not like I'll tell anyone!" I glare at her.

"Spoilers, you obviously don't know."

"In this form for some reason I can't access the future," I complain.

"Spoilers," River smiles enigmatically. She looks at the file and her smile begins to fade a little, she adds sadly, "A companion, he has a new companion and it shouldn't kill me, but it does."

"Well, I haven't needed to turn off any monitors. It's actually been a while since that happened, planet of the rain gods to be exact," I mumble as my face goes slightly red and her smile returns slightly. Then, I hear a loud noise in the background and the voices of children bickering.

"Oh, that would be Ella and Joshua and hopefully not Charolette. I need to go," River looks over her shoulder.

"I thought there were others there to help you with the kids."

"They aren't here. Proper Dave is in a piloting simulation, Evangelista is in a college course, Anita already took her turn look her turn looking after the kids yesterday, Other Dave is probably hiding somewhere to avoid babysitting duty, and don't even get me started on Dr. Moon," River explains quickly as the voices increase in volume.

"But doesn't time progress irregularly in the data core?"

"Tara, now's really not the time to ask, but no, Dr. Moon fixed that. Time in the data core travels at the same speed as it does for The Library now."

"Okay. Bye River," I say as the screen fades to black. I return to staring at the psychic instructions.

"What are you for? What do you do?" I ask aloud and the message changes again. It now reads:

_Spoilers_

And then it hits me. How could River had known Martha? She had given the psychic paper to Martha! What is River doing?

I transport myself to her room to think. It still slightly smells like her, a bit like petrichor to be exact. If the Doctor didn't come in here when he feels lonely, the smell would be stronger. I search the cream colored room for some hint of what I'm supposed to do next, from the hallucinogenic lipstick on the vanity, to the blue diary and the purse (and the communicator, vortex manipulator, and sonic screwdriver inside it) on her side table, to the red high heels and the jean jacket in the closet, to the black fedora hanging on the door, to the sonic blaster in its case on the wall. But, I can't find anything. The psychic paper even changed to say:

_Nothing in this room will help you yet. You're just going to have to wait._

I return to my room and turn the console protector on in time to see the Doctor land the TARDIS.

"Home again, home again, jiggity jig," he says as Clara opens the door.

"It looks different," she says.

"Nope. Same house, same city, same planet. Hey! Same day, actually. Not bad. Hole in one," the Doctor pretends to swing a golf club. Clara closes the door and turns back to the Doctor.

"You were there. At mum's grave. You were watching. What were you doing there?" Clara asks. Yes Doctor, what _were you doing_ going back in Clara's timestream.

"I don't know. I was just making sure," the Doctor frowns.

"Of what?" Clara prompts. The Doctor walks towards her.

"You remind me of someone," he says,

"Who?" Clara asks looking slightly terrified.

"Someone who died."

After a pause, Clara says, "Well, whoever she was, I'm not her, okay? If you want me to travel with you, that's fine. But as me. I'm not a bargain basement stand-in for someone else. I'm not going to compete with a ghost." Well, saying as it's your ghost it wouldn't be a competition.

"No," the Doctor whispers as he shakes his head. Then, he pulls something out of his pocket. Is that a ring? Oh my Gallifrey, you just met her. This is _too_ fast.

"They wanted you to have it," he says. Oh, okay, you're not engaging to her. That's good.

"Who did?" Clara asks.

"Everyone. All the people you saved," the Doctor says. Clara kisses the ring (it must mean a lot to her).

"You. No one else. Clara," the Doctor adds to make her feel better. It must have worked too. Clara leaves the TARDIS smiling. She doesn't see the Doctor's face, but I do and it looks like an oncoming storm.

* * *

Riley: The plot thickens!

Tara: Oh no, not a Whouffle! River is the Doctor's wife. End of discussion.

Riley: I like Whouffle.

Tara: Oh, great. You're going to make me participate in a Whouffle.

Riley: I never said that, I wouldn't call my plan a Whouffle.

Tara: (raises eyebrows)

Riley: Spoilers.


	9. 8: Cold War, Cold Places

I awake to the sound of Viva Las Vegas playing throughout the TARDIS, such an annoying song and it's not even the Elvis Presley version (I could stand the Elvis Presley version).

"Urg!" I scream and shuffle over to my computer. We are headed to Las Vegas?! I think not. There is an emergency in 1983, North Pole I had been meaning to get to. I redirect the TARDIS and turn on the console projector where I see the Doctor failing at dancing while Clara, dressed in a light blue evening gown (I'd like it better if it were a few shades darker), was leans on a railing watching and laughing hysterically (I don't blame her, the Doctor looks ridiculous). We land and the Doctor opens the TARDIS doors.

"Viva Las Vegas!" the Doctor exclaims. The submarine I landed in jolts causing the Doctor and Clara to topple out of the TARDIS. We're **sinking**! I meant to land _before_ the sub started to sink, not _after_! I start checking my calculations and realized that I had made a typo in the time-space coordinates (To be exact, I misplaced a decimal point). I prepare for departure just in case things start to get messy and then, the sinking stops. I turn on the projector and see the Doctor and Clara held against a post being searched.

"Are we going to be okay?" Clara asks.

"Oh, yes," the Doctor lies.

"Is that a lie?"

"Possibly. Very dangerous time, Clara. East and West standing on the brink of nuclear oblivion. Lots of itchy fingers on the button," the Doctor explains.

"Isn't it always like that?" Clara points out.

"Sort of, but there are flash points and this is one. Hair, shoulder pads, nukes. It's the Eighties. Everything's bigger. I would like a receipt please," the Doctor says to one of the sailors who has his sonic screwdriver.

"What is this?" another sailor, I presume it's the captain asks. Suddenly, the submarine shakes and I find myself doused in salt water. Yep, I'm out of here. I turn to my computer and set course for the time vortex.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

I land somewhere cold (again). I scan outside for any unknown life forms (anyone who has not encountered the TARDIS before. There were none. I go outside to investigate where I have landed.

"What are you doing here?" I hear someone from behind me say in an American accent (it's not an unpleasant sound) and sense that they point a sonic blaster at me.

"Why are you pointing a gun at me?" I ask without turning around.

"Just answer the question! What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same. Let me guess, your vortex manipulator broke down?" I ask. I feel his surprise (so it was the Vortex Manipulator). At least he lowered the gun. Then, he noticed the TARDIS behind me.

"You'll catch your death out here. So, you know the Doctor," he comments as he puts his coat around me. His charm won't work on me.

"You could say that," I smirk.

"Wait, are you the Doctor?" he asks in disbelief.

"If I were, I would have said, 'Stop It' by now. So no, I'm not and I think you need this more than me," I say and hand back his coat.

"No, I'm certain you need it more than me," he insisted.

"I know for a fact that you need it more. You can come back from death, but I on the other hand cannot die. So, you need it more," I explain and turn around and stare at a now coatless (but thankfully not clothingless) Captain Jack Harkness.

"How do you know that?" he asks, refusing to take the coat.

"Because in a way, I'm not actually here. In a sense, I'm just a hologram," I say as I let the coat fall literally through my hand. He catches it right before it hits the snow, glaring at me slightly.

"So, are you a companion?" he asks.

"In a sense," I say enigmatically.

"So, where's the Doctor?" Jack asks.

"North Pole, Earth, 1983. Where and when am I?"

"South Pole, Earth, 1983," Jack replies.

"Thank you."

"Nice contacts." he says.

"They aren't contacts and this is my natural hair colour," I correct him.

"So, what's up with the hair and eyes?"

"I am a machine's consciousness. This is my default form, but I can look like anyone I want," I say as I randomly change my hair color, my skin color, my body shape, even my base species. I finally end looking (unintentionally) like River Song. I saw a proverbial light bulb turn on above his head when he saw my last form before I transformed back into myself. He began going through his coat pockets until he found what he was looking for.

"River gave this to me with instructions to give it to you," Jack says as he hands me a little box (approximately the size of a toaster) wrapped in blue paper with a blue satin bow.

"And how do you know it is for me?" I ask.

"Because she said, 'One day you will meet the TARDIS Matrix, give this to her' when she gave it to me. You are the TARDIS Matrix and I know it."

"Well, thank you. Do you want to be transported anywhere? Torchwood International is in disagreement. Maybe you could go there, help sort things out."

"That seems like a good idea. I'd love to go there," Jack agrees.

"Okay, I'll send you to the Cardiff Torchwood Hub, unless you want to go to the London one. That actually might be a better idea," I say.

"To London, then," Jack grins as he follows me into the TARDIS.

"Goodbye Jack," I say as I prepare the transport.

"See you around," Jack says as a flash of light enters the room and Jack disappears.

I then return to my room and open the present box. Inside is a pure white cube with Gallifreyan text on it. It's an artron energy storage unit. These were banned by the Gallifreyan High Council, how did River ever get ahold of this? It can store excess artron energy so that during one's regeneration their form is merely repaired and personality stay the same while the energy that would be used to alter those traits is stored in this box. It was banned because time lords were beginning to steal other time lords' regeneration energy to live longer than 26 half-regenerations, thus causing all types of chaos.

I pulled the psychic paper out and stared at it. It reads:

_Still need more materials_

I sigh, placing both the psychic instructions and the artron energy storage unit in a little blue crate on my desk. Then, I feel the doors open. I turn on the TARDIS console projector. Clara and the Doctor are there, nothing interesting. So, I turn off the projector and begin to read Alice through the Looking Glass.

Just as I open the book, I hear a familiar tune coming from the console, shortly followed by:

"Bright light city gonna set my soul  
Gonna set my soul on fire  
Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,  
So get those stakes up higher  
There's a thousand pretty women waitin' out there  
And they're all livin' devil may care  
And I'm just the devil with love to spare  
Viva Las Vegas, viva Las Vegas"

"Urg!" I shout throwing the book and it disappears half way across the room (stupid protocol 1499, returns all thrown books to their proper library shelf), denying me the satisfaction of hearing it hit the opposite wall (coincidently the one closest to the console room).

* * *

Riley: It's January and I have refused to watch Time of the Doctor so far.

Tara: Why?

Riley: Because the 11th Doctor is leaving.

Tara: It was bound to happen. I'm certain that in truth you actually do want to watch it.

Riley: I dispute that assertion!

Tara: I dare you to watch it.

Riley: Well, I dare you to have a civil conversation with Clara.

Tara: Fine, dare accepted.

Riley: Same here.

Tara: No Takesies-Backsies.

Riley: I hate you.

Tara: No you don't.


	10. 9: Old Cow

Ah, it's a lovely rainy night, the perfect one for reading scary stories if you _don't_ want to sleep and reading romance novels if you _do_ want to sleep (guess which I chose). Just then, I hear something and jump about a foot in the air. I turn on the outside projector and see the Doctor and Clara running towards me. Clara and the Doctor stop close by.

"I've got this weird feeling it's looking at me. It doesn't like me," Clara whispers, but not softly enough.

The TARDIS is like a cat, a bit slow to trust. But you'll get there in the end," the Doctor explains and he runs inside the TARDIS. I close it behind him. Clara looks back at the house and then runs to the TARDIS (which I have conveniently locked). She glares at me as she knocks on the door.

"Hey," she says and looks around for the umbrella stand.

"You need a place to keep this," Clara says referring to the red umbrella in her hand.

"I've got one, or I had one. Look around, see if you find it. Did I have one? Am I going mad?" the Doctor rambles. I look around my bedroom and spot the umbrella stand in the corner (I have no idea how it got there). All of a sudden I feel like it has started raining inside and see Clara shaking off her red umbrella.

"No, not in here. How do you expect her to like you? She's soaking wet. It's a health and Safety nightmare.

"Sorry," Clara whispers to me. I just groan.

"So, where are we going?" Clara asks the Doctor.

"Nowhere. We're staying right here. Right here, on this exact spot, if I can work out how to do it," the Doctor replies.

"So, when are we going?" Clara asks.

"He, he. Oh, that is good. That is top-notch," The Doctor says and gives Clara a high-five.

"And the answer is?" Clara asks.

"We're going always," the Doctor says spinning into the primary wardrobe.

"We're going always," Clara repeats.

"Totally!"

"That's not actually a sentence," Clara observes as the Doctor leaves the room.

"Well, it's got a verb in it. What do you think?" the Doctor says as he re-enters the room with an obnoxious orange heat suit.

"Colour's a bit boisterous," Clara agrees.

"I think it brings out my eyes," the Doctor says.

"Makes my eyes hurt," Clara frowns, leaving the Doctor looking downtrodden.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

A few minutes later (or six billion years ago, time travel can be ever so confusing), the Doctor returns from an photo shoot.

"Back off, hot suit. Hot, hot, hot," He says as Clara rapidly backs away from him.

"When are we?" Clara asks.

"About six billion years ago. It's a Tuesday, I think," the Doctor says (It's actually a Wednesday). We then head to about three dozen other time periods (Doctor, turn off the brakes please!). We finally landed at the end of Earth's life cycle.

"Be back in a mo. Are you alright?" the Doctor asks Clara.

"Totally, peachy keen," Clara lies.

"Okay then. Well, don't press any buttons or pull any levers or make any funny faces. Actually, don't move. Stand completely still. Don't breathe. Well… you can breathe, but shallow breaths," the Doctor instructs as he exits the TARDIS. Inside, Clara watches from the monitor. After a few seconds, she starts crying. The Doctor returns to the TARDIS and notices Clara.

"What's wrong? Did the TARDIS say something to you? Are you being mean?"the Doctor asks hitting the console with his glove. I didn't say anything, I just planted an idea in her head (she is dead) and I meant how I saw her in Victorian London.

"No, it's not that. Have we watched the entire cycle of life of Earth, birth to death?" Clara responds.

"Yes," the Doctor says, slightly surprised by the question.

"And you're okay with that?"

"Yes," the Doctor repeats.

"How can you be?" Clara turns to face the Doctor.

"The TARDIS, she's time. We… wibbly vortex… and so on," the Doctor stutters.

"That's not what I mean," Clara says.

"Okay, some help. Context… cheat sheet… something?" the Doctor prompts.

"I mean, one minute you're in 1974 looking for ghosts, but all you have to do is open your eyes and talk to whoever's standing there. To you, I haven't been born yet… and to you I've been dead one hundred billion years… Is my body out there somewhere… in the ground?

"Yes, I suppose it is," the Doctor says slightly matter of factly as he begins to walk away. He can be a bit insensitive to his companions about life paradoxes.

"But here we are, talking. So I am a ghost. To you, I'm a ghost. We're all ghosts to you. We must be nothing," Clara says and the Doctor stops. Good point, but I don't think that's what the Doctor will say.

"No, no. You're not that," the Doctor says.

"Then what are we? What can we possibly be?"

"You are the only mystery worth solving," the Doctor says enigmatically. The Doctor changes clothes and exits the TARDIS with Clara, leaving me to huddle in a corner of my room.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

"Can't you just you know," Clara asks.

"What?" the Doctor responds.

"Fly the TARDIS into the parallel universe?" Clara answered. Is she crazy!? It could be so painful and I wouldn't even last ten seconds!

"Ah, it's not a parallel universe. It's a pocket universe. Plus, it is collapsing. I mean, the TARDIS could get in there all right, but entropy would bleed her of her power sources, you see? Trap her there until the entire universe decayed back into quantum foam. Which would take about three minutes, give or take, you know," The Doctor explained and they left the TARDIS, taking a subset from the Eye of Harmony and the blue Metebelis Three crystal.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

Oh, no, I can't sense the Doctor anywhere! I began to panic. He must be trapped in that pocket universe they were talking about and I begin to ring the cloister bell, hoping it will be able to reach him and act as a beacon home.

A little while later, Clara runs to the TARDIS and tries to open the doors.

"Oh, come on! Let me in, you grumpy old cow!" she yells at me. I'm not a grumpy old cow, she is! I place the VVI behind her (of course it's her image).

"Whoa. What's this now?" she exclaims when she sees it.

"The TARDIS Voice Visual Interface. I'm programmed to select the image of a person you esteem. Of several billion such images in my data banks, this one meets the criterion," I say to the old cow.

"Oh. Oh, you are a cow. I knew it. Whatever. You have to help the Doctor," she says.

"The Doctor is in a pocket universe," I say.

"You can enter the pocket universe," Clara exaggerates. Sure I can, it would be a totally feasible suicide mission!

"The entropy would drain the energy from my heart. In four seconds, I'd be stranded. In ten, I'd be dead," I warn her.

"You're talking but all I can hear is meh, meh, meh, meh, meh," Clara says. I remove the VVI and Clara turns around to try the door.

Hey, hey, hey!" she says as she tries the still locked door.

"Oh, come on," Clara tries again.

"Fine. This is a suicide mission, but here goes nothing. Just so you know, I am doing this for the Doctor, not for you!" I say as I unlock the door. Clara smiles and runs into the TARDIS. I begin entering the parallel universe with Clara hanging onto the railing inside, I have no energy to lose for stabilizing the interior (hence the Edgar Allan Poe book I was reading flings across the room and nearly hits me in the head. I love protocol 1499).

You know what it feels like when your leg or arm was asleep and is now waking up, that feeling of pins and needles? Well feel that over your entire body and then multiply the discomfort by ten and you get what it feels like to enter a pocket universe. Finally, I break through the fabric of reality into the pocket universe within the first second, I spot the Doctor and pass him, then I loop back and the Doctor latches onto the outside of the TARDIS. With one more second before being stranded, I land in the heart of the mansion, glad to have made it out through the wormhole that Emma Grayling so kindly opened up for me. Sunlight streamed through the windows. Clara leans out of the TARDIS and 5-fives the Doctor, both of them looking exhausted (They're exhausted! I'm the one who was literally seconds away from inescapable death).

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

I enter the pocket universe again (completely against my will) to pick the Doctor back up again. I swear, parallel/pocket universes will be the death of me!

After we got the two creatures on the TARDIS, I fly to a desolate planet that was an environmental match to the pocket universe and we dropped the creatures off. Clara, then went to her bedroom to take a nap.

From my room I hear her curse, something about tripping over a football (so that's the room I kicked that thing into).

* * *

Riley: (Crying)

Tara: What's wrong?

Riley: I watched it, I watched the Time of the Doctor

Tara: How was it?"

Riley: SAD!

Tara: I'm sorry.

Riley: Since I was able to watch the Time of the Doctor, you need to have a civil conversation with Clara.

Tara: I did!

Riley: Calling Clara an old cow is not civil

Tara: Fine. I'll try.


	11. 10: Revenge

It's time to get some revenge on the "old cow". The Doctor's out, so it's just me and a sleeping Clara. I place a holographic leopard in the bathroom and set a protocol 1310 (archive this space once all large life forms leave) on her room. Then, I wait. About ten minutes later, Clara stomps into the console room.

"Where is it?" she demands.

"Where's what?"

"I know what just happened. I went to the bathroom. Thank you for the hologram leopard by the way - an unexpected pleasure - and my bedroom was completely missing," she ranted as she leaned against a control panel and sighed.

"Just tell me where you put it," she says very annoyed. I don't say anything.

"Hang on, I know what the problem is, is this the first time he's brought a girl home?" Clara asks. I just laugh.

"Are you laughing," she points at me.

"You are, aren't you. What's so funny?" she asks as she walks around the console, stopping right in front of the monitor. I turn it on the monitor behind her.

"Look here," I say and show images of Ace, Donna, Melanie, River, Martha, Nyssa, Peri, Romana I, Romana II, Rose, Sarah Jane, and Amy.

"Blimey… that's some… that's quite a selection. Dear God, that woman is made of legs, that's the most legs on any living human!" she exclaims when she sees Amy's picture.

"Okay, not the first then," she says trying (and failing) to sound nonchalant.

"Of course not," I respond.

"This is the Doctor we're talking about, he's in a codependent relationship with a screwdriver. I mean if he had to choose between an enormous, complicated machine he could fix with a tool kit and a girl, who would he go with?" she asks.

"Both of them," I respond after thinking for a moment.

"Yeah, you're right. Both of them, using the same tool kit. So, what do we do?" she says.

"I give in. I'm going to go find my damn bedroom. Do your worst, can't wait to see your next trick," she yells as she backs out of the room. Then she turns around and sees my next surprise.

"Whoa, who the hell are you?" she asks.

"You, from tomorrow night. Okay, where have you put it? Where's my bedroom?" the second Clara asks as she stomps to the console.

From the balcony, a third Clara (from the night after tomorrow night) wails, "This isn't funny, I'm exhausted, where is it?"

"You think you've got problems? We've got to share a bed," Claras four and five say from another balcony.

"Oh dear God," the original Clara whispers as about a dozen Claras ask for the location of their bedroom while I laugh hysterically in mine.

**_._ _._ _._**  
**_[ ]_[ ]_[ ]_**

A few minutes later, I finish my hoax and restore time in the TARDIS. Just in time too, because seconds after that, the Doctor re-enters the TARDIS.

"It got rid of my bedroom!" Clara exclaims.

"Quite possibly," the Doctor says, slightly distracted.

"Well, where am I going to sleep!?"

"Oh, well, yes. That could be a problem," the Doctor realizes.

"So, where am I going to sleep?" Clara asks.

"Oh, I know a place," the Doctor says and run towards River Song's office.

"The TARDIS would never delete this room," the Doctor says as he and Clara enter the room (well, I say room). It looked like the inside of a canvas tent (like the ones seen at archeological digs on Earth).

"Why won't the TARDIS delete this room?"

"Because this is Professor Song's office and the TARDIS liked Professor Song.

"Doctor, why is there a pistol in here?" Clara asks as she spots it on the desk.

"It's one of the few firearms allowed on the TARDIS. It belonged to Professor Song," the Doctor said sadly.

"Good night Doctor," Clara said.

"Good night Clara," the Doctor left her in River's office and headed back to the console room.

"That wasn't very nice of you to do," the Doctor reprimands me. Then he heads for River's room.

In the middle of the night, out of guilt and out of the annoyance of having Clara in River's office, I unarchived her room and transported her to her own bed.

* * *

Riley: That conversation was not very civil towards the end.

Tara: Well, that's all you're getting for now.

Riley: Then, you haven't done your dare.

Tara: (blows raspberry)

Riley: This chapter (or at least the beginning) is based on a Minisode called Clara and the TARDIS (with just a few changes). Writing it made me appreciate _chakoteya__.n__et_ a whole bunch more. This is the site that I get my transcripts from. No, I'm not a fan who watches these episodes over and over just for the sake of this fanfic, Real Life takes priority way too often (it would be fabulous if I could watch the episodes over and over though).

Tara: When are you going to start writing more of your own thoughts?

Riley: When I've finished writing through The Time of the Doctor.


End file.
